A green christmas!

1)The Impression that I get by The Mighty Mighty Bosstones
2)I'm grateful for new opportunities! Scary as they may be they are fantastic ways for us to learn just how to use choice and decision making.
3)If A is success in life, then A equals x plus y plus z. Work is x; y is play; and z is keeping your mouth shut.-Albert Einstein

Right now I am in Texas and my parents house for christmas and it's strange. I have this sensation of being a guest in an unfamiliar home but then there is the fact that it is supposed to be my home as well...but it is still very unfamiliar. It's a strange feeling! Although I am very excited to live here eventually. It is a place that I could see as being a home for me.

As far as moving here and the what ifs I was talking about last time. I have decided to take a position of doing everything I can right now, so that when the time comes I can confidently say there was nothing I could do to change it. And that's that!

The rebuilding process

1) Absolutely Zero by Jason Mraz
2) I'm grateful for the human mind's desire to question. It is such a shame when people throw it away
3) A person's a person. No matter how small.

I feel like I should kind of give a warning or a heads up to friends or family who might be reading this (because I actually told people about this one lol)...my biggest concern is causing issues because of honest things I may discuss about certain people. It's not like I will be bad mouthing anyone but I know that I know some very strong-minded people who only have the best of intentions. Anything that goes up here is what is actually going on in my head and I hope you will be able to be open-minded. If there are questions or concerns I would really like you to call or message me(preferably call) so I can clear up any misconceptions. I love you guys and hope you understand.



So here I am talking about this huge life change I am trying but I realized that I left alot out of the last post. The biggest driving force behind this was actually a coworker of mine who I was talking to. She told me that she just didn't care what people said or thought of her! I was shocked! How could you not care?? It took up the majority of my thoughts for the rest of the day and I realized that I had become a slave to making others happy and rarely did anything simply because I wanted to and for no other reason. Time for a change. In march I am planning a big move. I am moving to place that I have never lived and where the only ones who know me are my own family. It reminds me of when I went out to school for my first semester. I got an opportunity to recreate myself into whomever I wanted. And why am I moving? It's funny because I have told people I am moving for family or education but the real reason is because I WANT TO!! Oh man that felt good!

I am very much looking forward to that opportunity. Mostly because things here have seemed to hit a brick wall...everything except for one. There is still one thing out here worth chasing if asked but I have been assured that the question would never come up. Simply because they know me moving is a good opportunity and would never stand in the way of something that would make me happy. But here's the thing...I believe opportunities are doorways to adventures. And while we have many adventures in our lives, we do not get the opportunity to open all of the doors and make our choices that way. I feel we need to eliminate as much of the "what ifs" as possible. So my conflict is that I have this opportunity in front of me with an adventure behind it but I am not able to chase it. I know that whatever happens does so for a reason but I also believe in following your heart. So I stay with my plan. And moved as originally discussed. I just hope that down the road I am not being chased by this really big what-if.

Starting Over

Lately I have been curious as to how some people can remain so happy in this uncertain world. There are some people who just seem to have it all and are genuinely content with life. They can take hits and hardly feel them. I want so desperately to be one of those people. So in recent review of my life, I have taken inventory of where my thoughts, actions and habits tend to land on the scale of positivity...and I have been completely surprised to find that in the majority they don't. They mostly land on the negativity scale with rave reviews from that side of the fence. So here is my plan. I cannot possibly try to be one of those genuinely happy people if I will not allow myself by focusing on the negative and after reading what this blog used to be, it is apparent that I have a lot of work to do. So let the rebuilding begin!

With each post I will begin with three things...
1) A link to the song I am listening to while writing. I believe this is so important because of the tremendous role music has on our thoughts and feelings.
2) Something I am grateful for be it person, object, or place. The first step to being truly happy is being truly grateful
3) A quote. This could be from some famous philosopher or from a tv show or any thing. Just a little quote that makes me happy or inspires me.


So since I am already behind on this...I will end my post for now with those three things

Even if it Kills Me by Motion City Soundtrack
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VI30oGmvn90

I am grateful for my friends. They are the ones I can look to when I feel it is absolutely impossible to smile. Specifically you two...you know who you are and I couldn't have asked for two better people to count on when I feel like I can't move. You have always given me that push to be better, not because I wasn't good enough but because you knew I could be better. You always believe in my potential even when I can't. I love you forever!

There is no curse or evil spell that's worse than one we give ourselves
-Rigoletto