DANNNNYYYYY!!!

1) Warwick Avenue by Duffy
2) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h0FX_ROcNV4
3) I'm grateful for my super stellar roommate!!

Once again, it has been forever since I have been on here but I have had such an interesting year so far and i feel like I need to tell all the 2 people who read this about it :)

First off, I moved!! I found an apartment with my very awesome friend, Katie! And for those who don't know her, I'll give a bit of background. Katie and I worked together at TR and became good friends being the sounding boards for awful people's stupid complaints. Her and I are very similar personality-wise and have been through similar experiences. It has been so much fun having her around to listen to me whine about boys and various other things. 

Also, last month I got to go visit with Nicole, Lora and Jay! It had been years since I spent time with the girls and I really needed the ability to just relax and have fun. I also got to spend time with Hyrum and Ezra, Nicole and Jay's kids. We went to the zoo and had a bunch of movie nights and even got to visit their tornado shelter :)

One thing I love about my friends is that we haven't seen each other in years but it's like no time has passed. I am so lucky to have people in my life who love me for who I am and in spite of the decisions I make in my life.

I was really excited to see everyone but especially Ezra. He is 8 months old and has had a pretty rough start for such a happy little man and this was the first time meeting him. He is so sweet. We were walking around the zoo and I just never wanted to put him down. I just felt like the more I held him, the more happiness I could absorb from him. We stepped out into the sun and every time he would throw his head back so the sun was on his face and he would just laugh. Something so simple just made his day and made him so happy. He is a wonderful little guy!

As for the future, I have one thing to do before I can start school in the fall and then I will probably just start with a class or two and then build from there! I am also planning a trip to London next year possibly with a friend. I am really looking forward to my first real international trip!! YAY!! Have an awesome 6 months cause, let's be honest, that seems to be how often I have been writing. CHEERIO!!

Sometimes armadillos plot against humanity...

1) Girl in the Moon by Everly
2)"Anyone can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength."
3) I'm grateful for music. In many ways, music touches deeper and has the ability to soothe more completely than anything else.

Okay so I know it's been a very long time so let me do a quick update on my life and goings on. I'm still nannying for a wonderful family who are expecting twin boys this spring!! It is definitely going to be a learning experience but I am very grateful that I started out working with multiple little ones at a time. It makes me feel a little more confident about my abilities. I also just finished another Christmas season working at Things Remembered. It was very tiring but I guess it comes with the season.

Right now though, I feel like I'm at a loss for words...I put together a couple ideas but deleted them both and I realized that everything I want to say, I have been scared to say for a very long time. If there is one thing I have learned from this past year, it's patience. Patience with every aspect in life. But mostly patience with myself and my shortcomings. There are changes in my life that I am trying to make, but I get so caught up in changing everything that I get overwhelmed and eventually discouraged. I love that part of the Serenity Prayer that says "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, And the wisdom to know the difference." Change is a tricky thing when it comes to personal renovation. Anyone can make a list of everything they hate about themselves but if you took that list and crossed off the things you cant change and just let those go, how many would be left? And is it harder to change the things you can or accept the things you can't?

With 2013 just beginning, I took an opportunity to take inventory of the past year. Just trying to figure out the good and the bad and things I would change. There are many things I've learned from the past year but by far the biggest is that it takes more strength to accept situations that you can't change. There were so many times that I wanted so bad to change what I was going through or what someone else was going through and it took loosing a very important family member to remind me that even the worst case scenario has a lesson to be learned or a certain amount of strength to gain. Someday we may know the whys and why nots but for now, we need to get as much out of every minute as possible. I know when I look at my life and all of the different things I am dealing with and moving through, it's so easy to get caught up in the things I don't like when what I really need to do is be grateful for them. It's through these things that cause pain, I am able to be a stronger person.

So looking into the next year, I hope to be able to accept my shortcomings with patience and understanding, but also make some changes and achieve some goals. I hope all of you are having a wonderful beginning to the new year and i will try to write again before 2014 :)

*Make good choices and to hell with the rest of 'em*

Movin On

1) I'm Movin On by Rascal Flatts
2) "I'm movin on. At last I can see, life has been patiently waiting for me. And I know there's no guarantees but I'm not alone."
3) I'm grateful for change

It's funny...you think of something happening that could potentially tear your world apart, but if it really did happen, how would you REALLY feel? For example, I remember when I was in middle school and the small group of friends I had grown close to started falling to pieces around me. I can actually recall thinking that the moment when I was standing amidst the rubble of what used to be a clan of unbreakable bonds, was the worst moment of my life. If I could, I would go back in time, put my arm around that scared and maybe slightly over-dramatic little girl and tell her that she is a hell of a lot stronger than she gives herself credit for. 

Things have happened recently that made me kinda turn around and look at the past few years with a different set of eyes. I wasn't sure I would make it through these last few weeks. And I know at least one person who thought that I would be demolished and never be able to get out of bed again. And I won't lie, there were tough times, but overall I have learned 2 basic lessons about myself and about life.

1) Time never stops. It will always move on and that, believe it or not, is a true blessing. After everyday we get the opportunity to try again. There is always tomorrow. And it doesnt matter if you are going through hell, gradually, things WILL get better. And one day you will wake up and realize that you are FINE. All of the heartbreak lasted maybe a couple days and now it's time to kick ass and move on with your life. Not ignoring or forgetting the past but more like using it as the mortar between the bricks on your path of life (deep...i know...). Experiences, both good and bad, are educational and can always be of benefit. But never let the bad ones rob you of too much time.

2) It is not selfish to take care of yourself. I honestly feel like sometimes I spend most of my time making sure others are happy. Rarely do I actually put myself first. I am so focused on being the reliable one, or the sounding board or pretty much anything I am needed to be that I find myself exhausted, confused and unhappy. I wish I had a dime for every time I put aside sleep, activities and things that I enjoy to help someone sort out a personal crisis, prepare for a big event or just figure out the next step in life. And it's not like I don't want to be there for people. I don't mind being there for my true friends. But bending over backwards for those who do nothing but ask you to bend further is not healthy. I don't deserve that. So I have decided that I am going to start doing things that make ME happy and help further MY goals and wants. I truly hope no one gets offended by this but if you do, then you are obviously not one of those special people in my life.

What it basically comes down to is that I have been surprised by how much I have changed since I was that little girl. No, it wasn't painless or easy, but I am truly grateful for every person and every influence I have had that has made me the strong individual I am. And I can genuinely say that I am excited for the future and everything it brings.

Merry Christmas

Merry Christmas everyone!!!

I hope everyone as had an amazing day and enjoyed spending time with your families.

So, there is a Christmas carol that has been on my mind and I am sure it is one everyone has heard. But if by chance you haven't, you have now. These are the words written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow on December 25th 1864...

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


Till, ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


Then from each black accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"


Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!

This was written after Henry had been through hell and back. Three years earlier his wife had passed suddenly and tragically when her dress got too close to the fireplace and caught on fire. She ran to Henry and he wrapped her in a blanket to smother the flames but it was too late. Henry suffered burns from trying to save her that were so severe that he couldn't even attend his wife's funeral. A year after the incident he wrote, "I can make no record of these days. Better leave them wrapped in silence. Perhaps someday God will give me peace."

In 1963 Henry found out that is oldest son was wounded in battle. a bullet had passed through both his shoulders and he was on bed rest for almost a year. Henry sat by his son and nursed him back to health. Henry had faith in spite of the doctors' grim predictions of his son's fate. He was there for his son even though he originally disagreed with his son's choice to join the army.

Finally in 1964 he was sitting in the parlor and heard the church bells in the distance playing a song about having hope and promoting peace and goodwill. The children were playing in the snow outside and feeling inspired he penned one of the most beautiful and applicable Christmas carols in existence.

Our world is dark and confusing. People are selfish and it seems like no one really cares about anyone else. But during this difficult time we must remember that God is aware of us and with us. He loves us and knows of our sorrows. He knew of Henry's sufferings and knew his heart and the peace and joy Henry felt listening to the joy outside was the breathe rejoining his lungs and touching his heart, making him feel alive and hopeful again for the first time in years.

I heard the bells on Christmas Day
Their old familiar carols play,
And wild and sweet
The words repeat
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


I thought how, as the day had come,
The belfries of all Christendom
Had rolled along
The unbroken song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


Till, ringing, singing on its way,
The world revolved from night to day,
A voice, a chime
A chant sublime
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


Then from each black accursed mouth
The cannon thundered in the South,
And with the sound
The carols drowned
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


It was as if an earthquake rent
The hearth-stones of a continent,
And made forlorn
The households born
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!


And in despair I bowed my head;
"There is no peace on earth," I said;
"For hate is strong,
And mocks the song
Of peace on earth, good-will to men!"


Then pealed the bells more loud and deep:
"God is not dead; nor doth he sleep!
The Wrong shall fail,
The Right prevail,
With peace on earth, good-will to men!

I love you all and wish you the best this holiday season has to offer!! Cherish your families and the time you have with them. It is the people that make is holiday special. Not the presents.

Happy thanksgiving!!

1) Only One by Yellow Card
2) I am grateful for those who sacrifice everything for sometimes what seems to be an ungrateful nation.
3) "The price of freedom is eternal vigilance." -Thomas Jefferson

Recently at my job at a portrait studio, I had the opportunity to interact and photograph a family who were all but one in Marines shirts. The one who in his class A uniform was maybe my age. The reason behind their desire to take portraits was their sons upcoming deployment. The mother told me that whenever he leaves they aren't sure if he is ever coming back. I was so moved by this family. My heart kept being drawn to his little sister and what she could possibly be feeling knowing that this may be her last opportunity to take pictures with her big brother. In my mind all I could think of was how I would feel standing next to my big brother and having that thought in my mind. This family is the epitome of what this holiday season is about.

Working in retail during the holidays, you are barraged with images of selfishness, profit and greed. You see people at their absolute worst. We get so wrapped up in making sure everything is taken care of. The presents are PERFECT, the cards are PERFECT, the tree is PERFECT, and we go mental when there is a slight mistake on our gift or Tommy won't wear the damn Santa hat in the Christmas pictures. When in the bigger picture, there are families like the previously mentioned who are on the edge of their seats waiting for their son and brother to come home safely. All the while hoping that the last Christmas they had together isn't going to be their last.

I know they probably won't see this but i would like to thank that family. They turned around my entire holiday season. That family is sacrificing a piece of themselves so we can celebrate whatever holiday we want. I love them so much and I barely know them. Every time I clutch my camera wanting to sucker punch the mother telling her three year old to "suck it in", I will remind myself that the real reason for the season is that wonderful family and that amazing decision that man made to lay down his life for us, regardless of whether we are grateful or not.

Please say a prayer for our military and their families. They don't get holidays off. You don't have to support the war to support the troops.

I love you all so much. Have a Happy Thanksgiving and enjoy your families!!!

This is Fall?? Feels like more summer to me?

1) Hello World by Lady Antebellum
2) I am grateful for honey roasted peanuts
3) “Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not. A sense of humor was provided to console him for what he is.” Horace Walpole

Hello everyone!!

Here's an update in the life of Sarah...Texas is still going really well! But with a few setbacks. In May the childcare center I worked at got a new director who at first seemed really cool...rough around the edges and very blunt but okay. As time went on she started changing things in my room that were unnecessary and made life WAY more complicated. It was definitely frustrating but I figured she had her reasons. But it began to turn into me not going through a day without feeling i was doing everything wrong. But I was determined to push through. I was typically working about 35-38 hours a week and she cut me at first down to 30 then told me i would be lucky if I worked that much and she would be cutting it again down to 25. A week after that she told all of us that we were responsible for paying for the 35 hours of training we needed my our respective one year marks. I had 2 hours worth and the courses were anywhere between 30 and 85 dollars each. I did the math and in order for me to continue working there it would have cost me around 3oo dollars minimum. Meanwhile she was telling me I wasn't good with kids and that i was bad at my job. When I finally went to her and told her i would finish next week but after that i wasn't working there anymore she only said "That's probably a good idea." It sucked because I had really grown to love the people i worked with and especially grown to love the kids! I always feel like I am abandoning them. But I tried to hang on as long as I could and in the end it was good that i left. I deserved better and I got to spend a lot of time with my sister who was about to leave to get married and then live in Idaho with her new husband. That time definitely made me feel more comfortable with her leaving.

Speaking of wedding...It was beautiful! Aimee looked gorgeous and her and Glen were glowing! It was so great to see Chris, Holly and the kids as well. Lucy and Justin have gotten so big!! Everything pretty much went off without a hitch and we are all very grateful for that


While I was in NY I got to go back to my old job and visit which was so cool!! I definitely miss my friends and my kids from there!! It was awesome to see the people i love and catch up...I will definitely be visiting again soon!

So what is the plan now? Well right now I am working on finding a job. I have been babysitting for two families which is a little income but I really need something more. Once I get that I am going to get a car. Have you ever had a plan for your life and you are really excited for it but something it holding the back of your shirt so you cant really go for it yet? Ya...that would be me and my need for a car. As soon as I get one I can get a better job and then go back to school. I would like to Go to The Art Institute of Dallas for the culinary arts but i need to go to UTA for a while it get my grades up. So that is the plan now. Working really hard on getting my life to point in a direction that I like and I feel like I am getting there!

That's about it! I promise I will write again soon!!

People are stupid and so is fear :)

1) Memory by Sugarcult
2) I am grateful for my challenges
3) "Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves - regret for the past and fear of the future."

Hello friends!! Not much of an update to give except for that I am still alive and haven't melted just yet :)

Seriously though...There isn't a day that goes by that I don't think to myself "I am so glad I moved here" I think this is the first thing I have done that I am 100% satisfied with. Not to say everything is perfect here. I am having anxiety issues again and am a little lonely but the negatives are heavily outweighed by the positives.

So I have a couple rants....

Lately I have heard from multiple sources one or more of the following "I don't know much about life", "Im not sure about life", "I'm just trying to figure out the meaning of my life and what I want" or something like that. Maybe it's just me but it seems like if you spend all your time trying to define or decipher what "life" is, it seems like you are missing the point. Life is defined by experiences and relationships and opportunities. And if you pass up opportunities because you are trying to figure that out then you are letting your life pass you by. Life will still be confusing if you move through it. You are not going to get any further...or any happier by standing still and figuring it out. Life is for living....not necessarily defining.

On another note...I had an epiphany tonight. I went to go see The Green Lantern tonight with my family and it was almost an enlightening experience. With all of my experience with fear, if I could embody it and give it a face it would look exactly like Parallax. If you haven't seen the movie he is this dark, sprawling figure that has tentacle like arms. And the whole idea is that he uses fear to prey off of victims. They talk about how fear is one of the most powerful of emotions, second only to one. Will power. The only thing that can overcome our fear is our will to act. Fear creeps into our minds and tells us lies and that our will is not enough, that we are weak. Fear is deceptive and sneaky. But our will never lies. We cannot have more will than we are capable of producing. Often times the only reason we are afraid is because we don't feel we have the will power yet to face the situation. If people would only give themselves a little more credit, we would see a different society completely!

So there is my spiel (sp?) for now and I just want to say that Life is crazy. And I'm so done waiting for everyone to figure it out. I am going to live it. Understanding that my will power is endless as long as I believe it to be.

Peace out girlscouts!!